Does Your Pain-In-The-Ass Brain Constantly Scan for Danger?
Does anyone else struggle with a wee bit of hyper-vigilance? That habit of constantly scanning for danger and being consistently certain that something bad is about to happen?
It’s such a stressful way to live. I hate it. And yet . . . I often can’t shake it.
When writing this post, I had just come home from a week of vacation. We went to the beach, watched the stars, tasted amazing wines - and yet, there was always a part of me that struggled to relax.
Part of it is because bad things have happened before. And part of it is because my job is to listen to the bad things that have happened to other people.
When we are on the front line of bad things, I think we naturally get a little twitchy.
So what the hell do we do about that?
.
Um.
.
Honestly, there isn’t a clear answer. I wrote the first part of this post two weeks ago and then stopped because I was like 😣🙄🤔.
But I’ve simmered on it and arrived at a few options:
I think we have to start by honoring the worry. We worry because we know how quickly things can go horribly wrong. So instead of hating that part of us, let’s just acknowledge that we care about ourselves and our friends/family, and we feel afraid of harm.
But, we also don’t want to let that fear drive the bus. So we acknowledge it and take any appropriate safety steps. Helmets and seatbelts are wisdom, not hyper-vigilance.
Then we start the slow, repetitive process of retraining our brains. I spend a lot of time thinking through the bad scenarios. A lot. So when my pain-in-the-ass brain starts to run potential responses to a crisis, I’ve started using the phrase “But what if it went great?” Because let’s be honest, does worrying about the crisis actually help us avoid it? Not really. All it does is suck our energy and joy. So I think about what could go right and try to keep my head there.
I also try to really focus on gratitude when things go well. When the car parks after a long drive. When my family is safely tucked in for the night. When a work week ends and nothing totally nuts happened. I try to sit in that for a second before I jump into the next task.
Is it a magic answer? Oh hell no.
But it’s a method. A way to slowly turn our brain towards the things that are good.
If I’m honest, I think when our work puts us on the front lines of suffering, we will always struggle with vigilance. It’s just a natural outcome - like football players and bad knees. But if we are equally diligent in focusing on the good, perhaps we will struggle a little less.
Stay safe out there.
S.
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