Practical Steps to Protect Against Compassion Fatigue
If you work as a first responder or in healthcare, deathcare, or social services - compassion fatigue is an important consideration when it comes to your mental health. Unfortunately, when you serve others, CF is a part of the job.
If you aren’t familiar with compassion fatigue and how it can sneak up on you, start by reading our article on The Hidden Dangers of Compassion Fatigue.
In that article I use the metaphor of compassion being a bucket of beans, and I’m going to double down on that concept here. Because protecting against CF isn’t a simple process, we need to think about how we are protecting each bean in that bucket.
Step #1: Start paying attention.
Because the drain of our compassion bucket is slow, it’s critical that we learn to pay attention. Too often we are operating with a dangerously low compassion level, but we don’t realize it. So that shame and relationship strain are building, but we don’t recognize the problem until we hit a moment of crisis.
Start to pay attention to the following:
What interactions drain your beans? I laid out some of the common ones in the previous article, but we’re all different, and it’s important to consider what is particularly draining for you.
At the end of a shift, scan for those interactions. In whatever role you have, there is a good chance that you take stock of your equipment and supplies at the end of a shift. Do the same for your emotional health. What drained or filled your bucket?
What does it feel like when you go home after a bean-draining shift? Are you snappy? Do you have trouble focusing on conversations? If your bucket has been low for a long time, you might have trouble answering this question. If that’s the case, take it seriously.
In addition to assessing these questions for yourself, it can be helpful to ask those who are close to us. Sometimes our friends or spouses can recognize when we are low on compassion much better than we can. Be prepared and open to hearing their feedback though, sometimes it can be surprising.
Step #2: Practice communicating.
The shame and relationship tension that arise from compassion fatigue can often result in isolation. You don’t know what is wrong with you, you feel like a jerk, so you withdraw. Which makes it even harder to connect with your support system, and the problems compound.
So start practicing communication. Here are a couple places to start:
At the end of a shift, how do you tell your spouse/partner how you’re doing? If you are coming home with a very empty bucket, they need to know. And it’s often far better to proactively tell them than to apologize after you’ve been snappy.
If you aren’t in a relationship, who are your main sources of support? Can you practice sending them an update, even if you aren’t coming home to the same house? Recognizing how we are doing and communicating with others is critical to mental health.
Can you start to make some small shifts in how you communicate at work? For example, let’s say you are a firefighter that was just toned to a familiar address at 3:13am. You know that you will arrive for this “lift assist” to find the same guy who can’t get out of the tub because he’s drunk. You know this because it’s the fourth time this month. In these scenarios it can be easy (and understandable) to focus conversation on his poor choices and how much you hate him. But what happens if you also start to talk about how this call will wear you down? Just a small acknowledgement of the compassion drain of this scenario can go a long way. I’ll explain more in the next step.
Step #3: Protect and cultivate those damn beans.
The reason I like the bean metaphor is because I want you to start thinking about how to protect/cultivate each individual bean. Which can be overwhelming, but it’s far more realistic. When we do this type of work, we need to be diligent.
Here are a few ways to start:
Acknowledging: The reason I started with paying attention and communicating is because simply acknowledging the cost can be protective. If we aren’t aware of the compassion that we’re spending, it’s far too easy to end up thinking that there is something wrong with us. If we acknowledge the beans we have spent, we can have empathy for our own struggle and take the appropriate action.
Counterbalancing: It is very, very easy to focus our attention on the bean-thieves. We grumble about them with colleagues, stew on them while we drive home, and describe their disrespect at home. Which is understandable, but not always helpful. Within that grumble, try to mix in some focus on the calls/patients that didn’t steal your beans. The things that went well and the places you were able to help. Often these can start to go unnoticed, adding to the feeling that we aren’t making a difference. So on your way home, make a list of the small moments where you did help.
Cultivating: A key to refilling that bean bucket is to engage in activities that feel authentic and restorative. If we think about cultivating compassion, what we actually need to cultivate is your overall well-being. So activities that feel natural and enjoyable are key. One of the things I often hear is that we lose track of how to have fun over time. We get responsible and grown-up and stop having fun. It can be devastating to our mental health. So get out there. Hit the bucket of balls at the driving range, spend time in the garden, go to a movie. The more compassion fatigued you are, the more critical fun becomes.
If you are reading this and feeling completely overwhelmed, don’t worry. There is help available and your compassion fatigue can be reversed, but you need to take action. These aren’t magic beans, they don’t just refill if we ignore the problem. If taking the steps above feels overwhelming, reach out for help. We have a wide variety of supports on our website that are specifically designed for things like re-learning how to have fun or communicate with others. You aren’t in this alone.
S.
Want to keep learning? Here are some options.
If you are a first responder, healthcare professional, or deathcare professional (or you love someone who is) we have a plethora of mental health resources and trainings for you. Here are some more to explore.