The Hidden Dangers of Compassion Fatigue
If you work as a first responder, or in healthcare, deathcare, or social services, compassion fatigue is the danger to your mental health that you might not see coming. It’s sneaky. Subtle. Often we don’t realize that we are experiencing it until it’s started to impact our wellness.
What is compassion fatigue?
Compassion fatigue is the cost of providing compassion or empathy to others. One of the reasons it impacts first responders and other helping professionals is that the people we are serving are in distress, and are therefore likely experiencing pain, anger, or fear.
If someone is hurting or angry, there is a good chance they are going to take it out on you. You must remain professional and patient in the face of that distress, and it can become very draining.
Let’s imagine you’re a bucket of beans.
Yes, beans. They are easy to envision, so roll with me here.
When you first graduate from the academy or school, you are a giant bucket of compassion beans. You’re fresh and shiny and full of hopeful empathy. As you start working, you spread those compassion beans hither and thither.
Some interactions only use a few beans, but others steal giant handfuls. In general, here are some of the things I have seen increase compassion fatigue:
Disrespect/entitlement: Unfortunately, not everyone is respectful and kind. Again, we can have empathy when someone is experiencing a horrible situation, but that doesn’t change the fact that you bear the brunt. The more disrespect or entitlement there is, the more beans you are using. Extra bean-tax is charged when the phrases “I pay your salary” or “I googled my symptoms and you’re wrong” enter the conversation.
Frequency: Let’s be honest, our emergency response systems aren’t often used for emergencies. So anyone that is repeatedly seeking assistance for inappropriate issues is a bean-drain. Again, we can have compassion for the fact that addiction, mental illness, or loneliness might contribute to that frequency, but you’re still spending the beans.
Inability to Solve the Problem: If you work as a first responder, in healthcare, or in social services, you are very likely a fixer. If there is a problem, you are determined to find the solution. Unfortunately, many of the situations we face do not have a solution, and the inability to act is draining. When combined with frequency, this is one of the most dangerous bean-drains I see.
Consider your last few shifts. Who did you encounter, and how many metaphorical beans did you spend? Some shifts leave us with a few beans in the bucket when we head home, others drain every bean we’ve got.
Danger #1: The shame of a shrinking bucket.
Unless we’re very actively combatting our compassion fatigue, our bean bucket shrinks over time. It isn’t that we become unkind, it’s just that we’re running low on beans. We’re tired and we’ve served too many bean-thiefs in our career.
This is one of the big dangers of compassion fatigue. For many first responders and other helping professionals, you got into this work to help people. Serving and helping is part of your identity, and it can feel completely unsettling when we can’t muster up the compassion we used to have.
It feels awful to be low on compassion. We feel jaded, uncaring, and judgemental. When we can’t muster up any compassion for someone experiencing something difficult, we often start to experience shame about ourselves. Shame is a corrosive emotion, which is why I often find unseen compassion fatigue to be a reason my clients enter my office.
Danger #2: Disconnection from those you love.
Imagine that you are finishing your shift with an empty bucket of beans. You’re exhausted and tapped out.
And then your spouse needs your support.
Or your toddler is having a tantrum.
Or your friend is struggling with a break up.
When your bucket is empty, it is incredibly difficult to muster up the compassion for those that we love. It isn’t because you don’t care, it’s just that you don’t have any beans left. This lack of ability to connect and be empathetic can be very, very hard on your relationships.
Over time, this lack of compassion can begin to cause fractures in the relationships that are most important to us. It can also compound the shame. If you spend your work day feeling jaded and calloused, then you come home and feel disconnected from the people you love, the shame can become overwhelming. Which is why I consider compassion fatigue to be a very dangerous part of the work that you do.
So what do we do about it?
Don’t worry, it isn’t hopeless. Compassion fatigue is a part of the job, but we can protect and refill that bean bucket. We need to be dedicated though, it isn’t something that can just magically happen. To learn more about how to protect those beans, read my article on Avoiding Compassion Fatigue.
S.
Want to keep learning? Here are some options.
If you are a first responder, healthcare professional, or deathcare professional (or you love someone who is) we have a plethora of mental health resources and trainings for you. Here are some more to explore.