Two Tricks for Keeping Your Sanity During the Holidays or Big Celebrations
Let’s talk about a serious mental health consideration - the shitty-shoulds. The SSs are all of those little obligations that we feel like we *should* keep, but they drain us of energy and joy.
These little a-holes pop up the most during times of celebration (and therefore expectation). Weddings, birthdays, graduations, the holidays, etc. Let’s talk about them through the lens of the holidays, just for clarity.
The holidays are a time where there is a lot of twinkle and merry, but hidden under that glow is exhaustion, financial strain, family tension, and other joy-killers. And within each of those joy-killers is often a little army of shitty-shoulds.
How do we avoid falling into the SS trap?
We can’t avoid the SS army, but we can make sure they don’t guide our decisions. And the first step is to notice when they are lurking. So here are some signals that a *should* is a *shitty-should*:
You immediately feel anxious when receiving an invitation or thinking about an event. I’m all for pushing through anxiety, but I think that we need to listen to our gut-instinct sometimes, especially during a season that quickly becomes over-scheduled.
The work:joy ratio is off. Let’s talk about the damn Elf on the Shelf. While the premise is cute, it has turned into another thing that parents have to do. If you are stuck in that Pinterest-hole of making cute little scenes for the Elf, take a look at the work:joy ratio. How much work are you putting in, and is there an appropriate level of joy returned? If not, it’s ok to turn it down a notch.
You are doing something out of competition or a desire to impress. If you truly enjoy going all Clark Griswold on your house, great. But if you are doing it to compete with the neighbor’s army of inflatables, then no good. Whether it’s the decor, your attire, the gifts, or the holiday cards - if you feel a twinge of competition, that’s a signal of a SS.
You are doing it because it’s “tradition.” Traditions are lovely and comforting, but we need to check them sometimes. Photos with Santa? Adorable, and it’s fun to have one for every year. But if it requires an hour in line and a screaming toddler, is it really worthwhile?
The biggest problem with SSs is that they promise joy and jollyness, but they drain our energy and our bank accounts. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to choose quiet or simplicity. It’s ok to throw that damn Elf on the Shelf away and tell the kids that he is helping Santa.
Another Tools Is To Use The Camping Principle
The Camping Principle refers to all of those things we do that are fun or relaxing, but surrounded by stress.
I love camping. Sitting by the fire, hiking, watching the stars. It's amazing. But in order to camp, we have to pack. And the packing is a beast. So when we commit to a 3-day camping trip, we have to build in the time for grocery shopping, pulling all of the gear out, fighting with our spouse about how to properly pack a cooler, etc.
If we stick with the holiday theme, the same principle applies to so many traditions. Baking cookies with the kids? How festive and fun.
Until you are on step thirteen of the recipe that the magazine described as "simple" and there's flour everywhere and the kids have eaten all of the sprinkles and you are considering a stiff drink at 10:32 am.
It's ok to say no to things that have a chewy-nougat-center of fun, but are surrounded by planning, prep, stress, and clean up. Or, if it’s something that you really enjoy (like camping), then we need to give ourselves the appropriate margins. Too often we are cramming in fun, but we don’t have the space to actually enjoy it.
So, especially if you are in a season of celebration, keep an eye on those SSs and apply the Camping Principle before making commitments.
-S
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