Is Self-Compassion for Suckers
OK, don’t barf. I want to talk about self-compassion.
The way we label our emotions and responses is huge, and adding a little dose of compassion can be helpful.
I know, I know. Self-compassion is one of those words that feels fluffy. I’ve had people tell me that if they allow for compassion, then they are settling and not improving.
Is that true? Do you feel the same way?
Is self-compassion the enemy of strength and growth? If you have compassion for yourself, does that turn you into a little bitch-baby who can’t tough it out?
I would argue that self-compassion is when we are just a little kinder to ourselves. A little less Drill Sergeant and a little more favorite little league coach.
If you work as a first responder, or in healthcare, deathcare, or social service - you probably spend a lot of time providing care and compassion to others. Don’t you deserve the same?
So what exactly do I mean?
I want you to think about your internal narrative - i.e. the silent way you talk to yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious, do you use phrases like “pull it together” or “toughen up?” If something makes you sad, do you dismiss yourself as a baby? One of the most internal phrases is one that we often joke about:
“I’m fine, it’s fine” . . . . as the dumpster fire burns brightly.
In some ways, focusing on the positive can help us push through hard moments. But in other ways, it turns into a method of dismissing our reactions and needs, which is pretty damn hard on our mental health.
So what do I do about it?
Start by catching yourself. Think about the phrases that you usually use to beat yourself up - how often do they go flying through your mind? Sometimes just noticing how much we hammer on ourselves can be a huge step forward.
Next, practice adjusting slightly. Again, we aren’t going to treat you like a little whiny baby, but what if you switch from “I’m fine” to “this sucks, but I can handle it.” Just a little nicer. The way you would talk to someone you care about.
This small step might seem silly, but remember that I have spent thousands of hours knee-deep in first responder mental health, and this tiny shift can sometimes be a turning point.
-S
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If you are a first responder, healthcare professional, or deathcare professional (or you love someone who is) we have a plethora of mental health resources and trainings for you. Here are some more to explore.